I'm sitting here thinking about Simon Wessely's much broadcast view that people with ME are simply scared of the stigma of being labelled as mentally ill. That, that is why we won't accept that our illness isn't psychological. I'm considering the oaths that doctors take at the beginnings of their career - and seeing clearly that the psychiatrists who have so terribly treated people with ME have broken almost every one of them in one shape or another. And I'm wondering how much it was those broken oaths that got us to the position where an ME patients' doctor can think that it's ok to neglect to reply to communications for weeks, even months at a time. Where the patients are responsible for their own biological research funded if they ever want to know what's really happening to their bodies, never mind get treatment for it. Where patients and their carer's constantly have to fight to get basic care needs met. Where promises are consistently broken by our medical teams. Worse, where the opinions of the few have become the feelings of the many, via the very clever media manipulations on the subject of M.E., that have been a constant in the UK for decades now, thus negatively affecting our treatment by insurance companies, welfare state, families and the wider society!
Dr's take an oath to do no harm - in fact, to do
good; to protect the health of their patients; (interestingly, and perhaps key for us as ME patients, they are expected to make the care of their patients come first, above and beyond the needs of the Trust, NHS, or society!!); to keep their own professional knowledge up to date; to respect the dignity of patients, politely & considerately. To be open, honest, and to act with integrity; to never discriminate, and
so much more. I just have to wonder why,
how they would then think it ok to treat us the way they do, just because of their personal feelings, or because of what the NHS's stance is on that patient's specific diagnosis? How, in the case of my own doctor at least, can she genuinely not see that she
is in fact
being neglectful?? Because despite the fact that she has been making some efforts to improve things, the care I'm given still doesn't even barely reach that which a person this ill with most other diseases would receive.
How is it, in fact, that in our society, different diseases are somehow given different status. 'The Big C' of course is given the most respect, patients awarded as much care as humanly possible (in the majority of cases, at least - there are always sad exceptions) - M.E. is awarded the very special status of having the least respect, to my knowledge. It's victims are actually made the laughing stock of the medical community and the media. Illness just isn't simply illness anymore!
Professor Wessely has many times now made the case in the media that ME patients refuse to accept the psychiatric model of ME because we're scared of the stigma of mental illness. What a joke! I face stigma every day worse than that of someone with a mental illness, because as well as being viewed as just a label, treated with disrespect & ignorance, I am also treated as though my illness in fact doesn't even exist. (Which would not be true even if ME
was a psychiatric disorder, since that by definition IS real!) My physical symptoms and disability are downplayed, ignored or disregarded, often completely disbelieved. Everything I say, do, believe, and am, is up for grabs for doctors to pounce upon as a reason why I am not as important as a patient with a real illness and why what I say about my illness, body & life can't be true. I've spent the last 15 years being neglected in a very real way, given little or no treatment, even where tests have proven some physical problem. I am not even given the majority of the tests and treatments recommended by international specialists for my very real illness. In essence I am just left to rot, along with everyone else with this diagnosis. And this isn't just my experience! Hundreds of thousands of ME patients in the UK have had this kind of experience, or much, much worse. Millions worldwide are little better off.
I truely believe that I would have a much, much easier time accepting a diagnosis of depression, borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc than I do dealing with what ME has done to me, to my life, and to the lives of my loved ones. I know many people still hold a stigma against things and people they don't understand and this makes life often really, really difficult for people with psychiatric disorders, and I don't want for a minute to downplay the agony many of those people face! - But I'm a nurse and I personally have no issue with people who are mentally ill - I find them in main very brave survivors! I refuse to stigmatise them for what is real illness. They're all human beings just like me and you - none of us perfect in any sense of the word. So the question remains: why should I be afraid to be part of that group? The truth is, I'm genuinely not any more scared of that than I would be of developing any other illness I might experience in my life! That's not to say that it wouldn't be scary and very hard indeed at times or that I wouldn't have to face stigma if I was in that position - of course it would be, and I would - but it's my opinion that it's harder in this current society to have a diagnosis of M.E. than it would be to have been diagnosed with the majority of mental illnesses, both because of the stigma, and because of the illness itself and the destruction it's wrought on my life.
What I
do take issue with, what I
am afraid of, is my reality of having a real, proveable, disabling physical illness (which cannot even begin to be explained by Wessely's definition of ME as an 'illness belief') be ignored and left untreated. Illness beliefs do not cause tachycardia's, palpitations, blood pressure imbalances, fainting, weird and wonderful blood test results, limbs that go literally blue when you are merely sitting, paralysis, temperature & sleep disorders, sensory overload,
severe chronic pain, body clock reversal, and all the other things I, and many other severe ME patients have going on. (I personally have a scary list of symptoms several pages long, which probably makes me look like I'm completely mad when I hand it to a doctor, lol!)
Illness beliefs don't cause people to become literally bedbound, struggling even to go to the bathroom a couple of times a day - never mind to only be physically able to have a shower once a week!!! (If you've never tried it, don't bother - it sucks as much as you might think it would, and worse!!) They wouldn't cause tens of thousands of people, in this country alone, to lose their careers, social lives, personal hygiene, healthy bank balances, their homes, friends, and sometimes even their families. They
sure don't make you choose to endure the degradation & humiliation that comes with needing personal care such as help having a bath, or someone having to cut your food up before meals, or even to have their carer's need to feed it to them like a young child!! In addition, I take issue with the fact that these doctors, treating us so neglectfully, or downright mistreating us, all swore an oath to do no harm!!! That is the most important vow a doctor takes, yet the one most ignored when treating patients with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis!!
It's a very,
very rare psychiatric illness that could cause such enforced human misery in a person and such a terrible quality of life for it's sufferers - and moreso, I simply don't believe that an ilness belief could cause that suffering on the scale of what we are seeing with cases of Severe ME, where 25% of people with this diagnosis are housebound or bedbound, often for years or decades at a time!! What's more, it makes no sense that those people all would be struck down by an illness which follows such an extremely similar pattern (usually despite a previous lack of knowledge about ME on the part of the patient), and in fact has often occured in clusters! To my mind, there are so many obvious points that make it
absolutely inconcievable that this illness could be concocted in our minds somehow. This many people (hundred's of thousands in the UK alone, of all ages!!) would not choose to live in such conditions, if they had any choice in the matter - especially people who in previous lives pushed themselves regularly to their limits, fully enjoying their life, freedom, & health.
So no, Professor Wessely, I am
not afraid to accept the stigma of having a mental illness. I'm simply afraid (not to mention disgusted) that the environment you helped to create in this country (and beyond!) is neglecting & mistreating people on such a
massive scale. I'm angry that one group of doctors, headed by one man has changed public perception to see only their personal opinions, despite the fact that they are
not backed up by international science/research. I'm angry that the majority of journalists reporting on M.E. seem only interested in catchy headlines, not truth. And I'm angry that I am one of those forgotten, abandoned, invisible people & that I cannot even enjoy the most basic of beauties, such as the sun, trapped in these four walls with dimmed light, as I am. I'm frustrated that for 15
years, I've had so little real medical support that I now have to do all the research into my condition myself, despite the consequences for my health, because there is no doctor specialised enough, or willing enough, in my area to do it for me - few, in fact, in the whole of the UK. And quite honestly, I'm terribly afraid that these situations & prejudices will not soon change for us, no matter how hard we fight them, as they are
deeply ingrained in the public mind, thanks to
your media tinkerings! I just wish you and those who agree with you would try to understand that unless you have walked a mile in our shoes, (or in my case, simply stand up, still, for a few minutes - that'd be plenty to show you how bad it gets!!) then you can't possibly understand just how real and destructive this disease really is - though truthfully, I wouldn't wish even those few minutes of this disease on even you, Professor Wessely -
No-one deserves this!!!!
If you're reading this and all you know about Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is what you've read in the media,
please find out more from reliable sources! Until you've really educated yourself, you can't take the word of a journalist or even a doctor as truth! So don't judge us based on what you read in the papers - after all, you never know when you might find yourself walking in our shoes too, and I'm certain that if you did contract M.E., you wouldn't want to be judged like that either!!
There are many links in my sidebar to great sites & books about M.E. that will help you to understand what it really is, and how it affects the people living with it. I particularly recommend the book
Lost Voices which tells the story of many ME sufferers and their families in a really easy to read format. There are also many wonderful people in the ME community who would be willing to talk with you. I know
I would love to help you really understand! Once you've read up, then speak out for us too. Educate your friends and family! It's only by us all working together, sick & well alike, to end this stigma and medical ignorance, that things can ever change! Thank you so much!! :)
) by having to go out. As those of you who are friends with me on Facebook may know, my appointment fell on the day after the first night of (ridiculous & pointless!!) rioting in Liverpool. The areas all around the hospital, and the area I live were the worst affected in the whole city. Overnight, we were concerned that we may not be able to safely reach the hospital, but by morning, the streets were cleared, opened, and settled again, (though there was lots of broken glass, fire engines, and many cars had obviously been vandalised or set fire to) and we managed to get to the hospital with no problems at all. Phew. (Can I just say, I was really proud of the way 
