An Ode To Insomnia

Why is it that when we most need to sleep, when not sleeping is going to make us sicker, that that's when Insomnia rears it's ugly head??!!??

I don't have anywhere near as much of a problem with Insomnia now as I did in the first few years after my relapse ... when I would rarely be able to sleep more than a few hours a night, and would regularly be awake for days at a time. But still, now, on the days when sleeping is most vital, it's like my brain has a hissy fit and refuses to play ball - just sits down in the middle of the court, folds it's arms, and sulks with a vengeance.



I'm trying hard to rest and recover from my visit to the dentist this week, my first outing in over 8 months - something I'll try to talk about over the next few days as I'm able - but my body's on high alert and my mind just won't stop buzzing - little wonder considering how much adrenaline seems to be rushing around my system, and how high my pulse is right now! The physical stress of leaving my bed, never mind the house, and undergoing painful dental work has left my body in a pretty bad way. My pain levels have been fairly stable for the last few months, but now they've suddenly kicked off again with a vengeance, and let me tell you, lying awake in mind-numbing pain is not my idea of a good time!! My M.E. is totally kicking my butt!!

All in all, I feel pretty frustrated right now, & I'm dreading trying to sleep today! I've set some essential oils burning to try to calm myself down physically before settling down to sleep (well, my carer has), hopefully that will help. And thank God for my sleeping tablets, Zolpidem, which not only make me sleepy but also go some way towards dulling the pain for a few hours so I can get to sleep initially, which is often my biggest issue.

I found this poem a while ago, by Liza Rosenberg and I find myself thinking of it now when I'm hit by a bout of insomnia - it always makes me smile because it's so me. :) I thought I'd share it with you guys too. Please do check out
her site, she has some really awesome poetry posted there. :)


Ode to Insomnia

Bleary-eyed and body weak
The lack of sleep begins to wreak
Havoc on my tired soul
Exhaustion starts to take its toll

I try to rid my mind of thought
But sadly it is all for naught
For slumber doesn’t want to come
Despite the brain and body numb

So I sit and try to write
Listening to sounds of night
Feeling just a little punchy
Damn it! Now I’ve got the munchies…


Posted With Permission. :)

Reader Questions : What do you guys do to beat Insomnia? How do you cope with the emotional side of not sleeping & the increased symptoms that causes?

I'd love to hear your reply and I know it'll be valued by other readers too! I always try to respond, please just be aware that it can take me some time to find the energy to do so as I've been particularly ill recently and struggling to get online. Thanks for reading! :)

An Ode To Insomnia

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Heartbeats, Adrenaline, & Dentists - or more accurately, a general ramble about my week.

For the last 4 days or so, I've had one of those strong, heart-thumping-out-of-your-chest tachycardias pretty much constantly, along with a heightened stress reaction to things like sudden noises (bad enough normally but a bit insane right now), my muscles being constantly and painfully tensed, meaning I can't get comfortable. I'm definitely in 'fright' mode, my body ready to respond to some threat that isn't going to come. (Well, unless we count the possibility of a psychiatrist knocking on my door and sectioning me for 'believing' I have M.E. LOL)

I'm on antibiotics right now for a bad(ish) urinary tract infection (I seem to get them all the time) and I guess maybe either the physical stress of the infection, or the antibiotics themselves (or both) could be what's caused this. Whatever ... I just wish it would go away!

It's really exhausting me even beyond normal standards right now. My brain's scattered all over the place even more than my normal state of pretty constant brainfog, - I'm too tired to think, never mind write, or speak - thankfully with these very occasional moments of absolute clarity (which is normally rather hard for me to come by, lol) which I am using to my benefit, allowing me to stay at least a little connected online. So I thought I'd check in with you guys and let you know where I'm at. :)


For those of you who read my post a couple of weeks ago about dental treatments ... the domiciliary dentists who came to see me have arranged an appointment at the surgery to have my broken wisdom tooth removed, in a couple of weeks. They had to find a slot free for the first appointment of the day, so that I can be taken into the dentist pretty much as soon as I arrive. Being a day sleeper, this will be at the very end of my day - but it's a much better alternative than having to wait for an hour, sitting up, in a probably germ infested waiting room.

The only way I can think of to plan for this visit - my first trip out of this house in over 6 months, and only the second in more than a year - is to take painkillers, caffeine & glucose, and possibly half of one of my sleeping tablets (zolpidem) because oddly enough they make me more mobile than usual. (Weird, I know. I have no proof but believe this to be because zolpidem has a very specific affect on the brain - there's research going on using it to bring coma patients back to consciousness!) I honestly don't think this will even be possible without medicating myself first, sigh. Then I'll have to lie down in the back in of the car on the way there & back (which will inevitably cause car sickness and a lot of pain - not to mention a risk of death if we crash lol), with my pillows and body pillow to help support me, and a blanket so I don't get cold - and then get in and out of the surgery as quickly as humanly possible. I have no option but to do it, because if I don't get it sorted now, it will become infected and make a bad situation much, much worse. Any other ideas would be most welcome!!

I'm terrified of collapsing while I'm out. I'm terrified of the actual treatment too, because I have TMJ (jaw joint) issues, making it very painful to have my mouth open for long, and with it being a wisdom tooth it'll be difficult to get to as well. I'm scared because I plain old hate dentists - though I've been working on that fear and it's not so bad as it was. I'm even more scared that I'll crash badly afterwards and go into a worse relapse state, losing the already only tiny bit of independence I have, and the ability to be online. I know there are much worse things than being bedbound in the state I am in right now, because I've been there. And I know that I'm teetering on the edge here already and I don't want to fall over it again and end up back where I was a few years ago when I was regularly having paralysis symptoms, for example.

I'm going to have to rest well over the next couple of weeks, to give myself the best chance of that NOT happening! Rest - funny really, since I'm already bedbound, to talk of rest - to most people my life would seem a constant rest!! How little they know.

So now ... if my heart would please stop being silly and calm down, and if my adrenal glands would get that there's no danger and stop pumping that darned adrenaline out, so that I CAN rest and relax, I would really appreciate it! :p

I'd love to hear your reply and I know it'll be valued by other readers too! I always try to respond, please just be aware that it can take me some time to find the energy to do so as I've been particularly ill recently and struggling to get online. Thanks for reading! :)

Heartbeats, Adrenaline, & Dentists - or more accurately, a general ramble about my week.

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Dental Emergencies! What do you do when you're bedbound???

I've been thinking a lot recently about how there are so many disadvantages to being confined to your bed with M.E. that healthy people would never even consider!

Right now, I have a bad toothache. One of my wisdom teeth broke badly, months ago. Now, if I was one of my healthy friends or family ... actually, even semi-healthy, I could just zip down to my dentists, and get it pulled tomorrow! No problems.

Not for me. For the last few months I've survived on a couple of visits from the domiciliary dental service, who have put in temporary fillings - there's little else they can do. The last one fell out right before Christmas ... and I've been so ill since then that I haven't even been able to deal with a quick home visit from the dentist. So, predictably, the tooth was eventually going to start causing some major pain. And it looks like now's the time it's going to start playing up.

What to do??? Obviously I'll have to get the dentist service to come see me ... but I KNOW this tooth needs more than just a temporary filling. In fact, I'm not sure if it's not broken so badly now that that might not even work temporarily. But, I have to try at least. It will make my symptoms flare up to have to deal with a) having people visit me here, and b) messing my sleep patterns around, because my body clock is reversed and I sleep in the day. But it's either that or this toothache is going to get worse and worse. Especially with it being a wisdom tooth.

If they can't do a filling, or if it doesn't work, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I won't, I suppose, have a choice but to find a way to drag myself to the surgery, deal with sitting upright, in a busy, noisy, bright, overwhelming, germ filled waiting room, (it's a dr's surgery too) in order to get it pulled. God only knows how I'd cope with that ... or what kind of relapse it might cause afterwards, not just from leaving the bed/house but also from the trauma of the treatment itself (especially as I have bad problems with my TMJ joint (my jaw) which makes dental treatment really painful)! I still haven't recovered from ONE family day at Christmas, 2 months ago, and I didn't even leave my bed for that.

So yea, there are so many things that healthy people wouldn't have to give a second thought to, that are major missions for people like me - especially with the post-exertional issues that come with M.E. - this just being one example! I wish more people understood what life is like for us.

Anyone have any experience with situations like this, or ideas on the best way to deal with it? Has anyone ever had a dental surgery 'rush' you through the people waiting so you don't have to sit in a waiting room for ages, or give you a room to rest while you wait, or something??

Twitter Responses From Pantoeffelchen, who send over a really good idea for if my surgery isn't able to rush me through waiting, I could perhaps lie in the backseat of a car and have them come get me when they're ready for me. Definitely could help at least, especially if I brought my body pillow etc in the car.

I'd love to hear your reply and I know it'll be valued by other readers too! I always try to respond, please just be aware that it can take me some time to find the energy to do so as I've been particularly ill recently and struggling to get online. Thanks for reading! :)

Dental Emergencies! What do you do when you're bedbound???

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